Well much reflection has made me come to a decision, no more whining about having no life and a terrible curfew. I know what’s best for me, yet I want a social life to keep me from being too caught up in the insanity that is my school. A balance, yes it is a simple answer. Yet convincing my parents to accept this balance, the fact that I am not going to devote every day to family time and schoolwork is the worst bit. Harsh as I was when telling my mum, when it comes down to it, its true: It is MY life. So living for anyone else would have no worth.

So the day I lose my parents approaches. I can't take being cooped up in this hellhole for much longer. The day I walk out, and just have fun, a desire I've repressed for so long isn't far. I’m just anticipating the day I snap. Courage stay with me, sure it would show my lack of strength of character going against my parents, my inherent selfishness and whatnot.

I really couldn’t give a damn. Isn’t it selfishness on their part, dis-allowing me from indulging in fun, simply because of the fear of gossip? Being the black sheep of the family, it's a tough job. But I refuse to completely give up my social life. It's not even an option. Why does education and academics entail not having a social life? Sometimes I feel like they wished I were ugly and fat, so they wouldn’t have to deal with 'boys' in my life. Hah. They know half of it. Well technically less than that. Gods.

I guess walking out is the only option. Next weekend if I don't get to go out...well i still will. Whatever.

Just a question: Is it harder being the black sheep, or the saving grace of a family?