Friday, June 30, 2006

My English essay marks have put me in a terribly foul mood, resulting in my usual, slit-my-wrists and hope-I-die garb. So if you have complaints, stuff it and go away, I'm not in the mood to be accommodating and I'm too damn tired to pretend I actually give a damn. Also the accumulated lack of sleep thanks to certain people who insist I stay on the phone and the breakout the hype and stress that the math test brought about is not helping this black mood of mine to the least. Yes, I'll bite your head off if you mess with me today. Well seeing that my eyelids are drooping, I think I'll head off to bed.

***

Sometimes I wonder keeps me going.

4:33 AM

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

And the words that pass our lips without our giving them a second thought, those very words which groveling could never take back, oh careless words that we yell. They pierce through skin, and provide the sickest sensations at the bottom of our stomachs. Cause' we've caused hurt, yet apologies don't come easy, as we go off to lick our wounds, wondering if you mattered as much.

Isn't it strange the way we shout those words we don't mean and whisper those that we do?

Sorry

7:42 AM

I don't just want to be yet another statistic, but in death, it's exactly what I'll leave the world as. I'm sick of all this mediocrity I have subjected myself to. Haven't you ever wanted to make a difference? I'm not going to pretend that I hope to leave the world a better place or some other self sacrificial crap I could easily come up with and pass off as truth. It's a simple selfish desire to be remembered. I don't want to be some no body who doesn't leave her mark in history. I don't want to be just another face in the masses. I don't want to leave and not be missed, not just by my family, but the world itself. Isn't it extremely weird to crave fame in this completely obsessive manner? Well whatever.

My days as a social pariah are long gone, and I've become a shadow of that person really, so much so no one could ever draw a similarity between who I am now and who I used to be. I guess the point was I simply stopped caring about what other’s thought. And then the gossipmongers go into overdrive about my, oh so scandalous social life.

Let them write their wicked web of lies, I couldn't care less really. In fact it's sort of flattering to know how entertaining my so-called exploits (half of which so obscure I speculate as to how they come about) are to them. Yes I am slightly warped. Maybe I might just make it as the socialite. A wonderful ambition innit?

***

I may just be Singapore’s version of Paris Hilton.

3:43 AM

Unfound

And I crave your saccharine sweet lips. Enchanting melody overwhelming, snaring the senses as I gaze ahead, mesmerized by the delightful way the air around us seems to shimmer as though with a touch of magic in itself. Trace patterns on my lips as the world fades into the background. A tune no one else would ever hear, a song for which only I know the words. A song of lust woven into the seams of love; a song of lies we speak as truth.

Sweet kiss of death
Incur time’s wrath

Nerves aflame, your touch is addiction; morphine in true form. Whisper empty promises as we lie in each other’s arms, a tangle of limbs. Words I could never mean, promises shattered ahead of being uttered. A hush, lost in an abyss of confusion, a flush of regret and all is gone.

A tinge of regret as we run
The consequence of reckless fun

The more we wonder, the less anything makes sense. Swept on a wave of emotion. Indifferent, taunting even in superficiality, the stony facade breaks before our eyes. All those lies, all the pretence, crumbling in our wake, leaving a wavering balance for us to tread. Take a tentative step forward, stumbling on newfound territory, eyes adjusting to the bright lights.

And we give way for
Our souls to take flight
Stop worrying about the journey
Just enjoy the ride.

***

Played.

2:49 AM

Sunday, June 25, 2006

DAMN SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW.
bleargh.

8:15 AM