Well much reflection has made me come to a decision, no more whining about having no life and a terrible curfew. I know what’s best for me, yet I want a social life to keep me from being too caught up in the insanity that is my school. A balance, yes it is a simple answer. Yet convincing my parents to accept this balance, the fact that I am not going to devote every day to family time and schoolwork is the worst bit. Harsh as I was when telling my mum, when it comes down to it, its true: It is MY life. So living for anyone else would have no worth.

So the day I lose my parents approaches. I can't take being cooped up in this hellhole for much longer. The day I walk out, and just have fun, a desire I've repressed for so long isn't far. I’m just anticipating the day I snap. Courage stay with me, sure it would show my lack of strength of character going against my parents, my inherent selfishness and whatnot.

I really couldn’t give a damn. Isn’t it selfishness on their part, dis-allowing me from indulging in fun, simply because of the fear of gossip? Being the black sheep of the family, it's a tough job. But I refuse to completely give up my social life. It's not even an option. Why does education and academics entail not having a social life? Sometimes I feel like they wished I were ugly and fat, so they wouldn’t have to deal with 'boys' in my life. Hah. They know half of it. Well technically less than that. Gods.

I guess walking out is the only option. Next weekend if I don't get to go out...well i still will. Whatever.

Just a question: Is it harder being the black sheep, or the saving grace of a family?

Sometimes when fate keeps putting up crossroads, its just best to give up and move on. Now I tell myself this, and I hear myself saying this – but do I listen? Hell no, I go on, impulsive as usual and make new mistakes in the same situation. Lies, lies and more lies.


Regret. No.


Expectations, expectations. I wish you knew. If you thought I was abstract before, check out today’s post. Sleep. I had tons today, though I crave more. Drag on my eyelids, drag them shut. Sleep shut my lips, shan't say those words.


Sleep, wrap your tempestuous tendrils, engulf me in the black unconscious, so I needn't think anymore, needn't see anything I don't wish to and needn't ponder that very question repeatedly.


I've picked the phone up, only to set it down every single time. I wish the best for you, tears last night in a drunken stupor held truth. A phone call to break a heart; heartache, heartbreak, heart stay strong. I wish for strength now, upon that star, the star that started it all.


Going through the motions of living, sweet death at my lips, yet take a sip I shan't. Pull through this as I have every other ordeal. First time on this end of the spectrum, harder than ever to comprehend, yet it helps to understand past mistakes of others; the tempting call of the forbidden.

Eve tempted, and now so am I. Is the lack of self-control inherent to women? Now as I leave you to ponder this, I shall go watch the apprentice.

Cya loses.

***

Just a question: Should i just trust fate?

sex, lies and video-tapes (:

In true rock fashion:


- Cutting queue to the goodie-bags (maybe that's just kiasu-ism)
- Walking around aimlessly to get to town
- Hitching rides on the back of a lorry
- Sneaking someone into the concert
- Bumming drinks off people
- Screaming our lungs out
- Lies, lies and more lies
- Smeared makeup
- Hot boys
- Sweat


So much more, you just had to be there.

***

Just a question: how much longer?