I'm here without you baby


And it's the twinkle in your eyes when you smile, the slight crease as your eyes tilt upwards when you laugh, the way your lips curve ever so slightly to the right when you smirk that still get me.


But you're still on my lonely mind


Those comfortable silences. Those conversations about nothing at all, which go on forever. The way my heart flutters whenever I see you. The way you say my name with that slight lilt.


I think about you baby


Your insistence on saying "Ich liebe dich," instead of "I love you." The way you wrap your arms around me. Those winter nights gazing at the stars. Those candlelit dinners gazing into your eyes.


And I dream about you all the time


They were hazel, with flecks of gold when the light hits them at the right angle. Those speculations of a future together. The way you would assure me that it would never end, that this feeling would never fade.


I'm here without you baby


The first cut is the deepest. And as blood seeps out of a fresh wound let the memories flow away; away into oblivion – so someday I may be rid of you. So someday Calvin and Klein cologne won’t trigger some flashback or another.


But you're still with me in my dreams


Oh but your kisses burn so. Intangible, wisps of smoky tendrils at the very tips of my fingers and I dare not move in the fear that you’d disappear, and take away all that we had. Every memory, every feeling.


And tonight it’s only you and me


Something in me died, the day we became you and me.

***

Maybe someday.

First day:


The dreary weather was putting a damper on my spirits, especially since I wasn't really looking forward to the trip seeing that it was my mum and grandma, not some fun kick ass road trip with friends. So we made our way to the airport, picking grandma up on the way. The plane trip was fine I guess. I saw this totally cute Prince William look-alike when we were checking in and god answered my silent prayer, he was in my flight after all. We chatted for a bit. Yeah before my mum made an appearance and killed him with her death glare. Plane food rocks. I seriously think I'm the only person who loves plane food this much.


So anyways, we reached Bali and met Raja there. Then his friends picked us up in this ramshackle van, which was so cute. We went to the missionary school where I would be staying and I nearly cried when I saw the conditions. My mum thought it would be a learning experience. It definitely was, but that's for later. So after a miniature temper tantrum on my part, I finally agreed to stay there, not like they left me with much choice. We met everyone and there was this adorable two-year old, Puttu. He was so cute. Gosh. Then we drove to drop mum and grandma at their hotel. Unfair huh? Ohwells I had a good time so I'm not complaining. Then we went back to the school and I got a lecture from my uncle for being spoilt because I was near tears when I saw the toilet.


Seriously, I'm deathly afraid of lizards and flies. There wasn't a toilet bowl and… get this. NO HOT SHOWER. It was this scoop bucket thingy. I may seem like I'm whining but I'm not really, I learnt to get used to it. It isn't half bad. So anyways I had a really fitful sleep cause there wasn't a fan and I felt so goddamned warm. And I have to admit I felt a little weepy. I kept dwelling on the unfair fact that my mum and grandma got to go to this beautiful hotel and all I had was cracked walls and mosquitoes. But in the end I finally did fall asleep.






Second day:


Raja woke me up rapping really noisily on the door at like seven in the morning. Who wakes up that early, we're on holiday for god-sakes. So me being the coward that I am refused to shower and doused myself in deodorant before going off to meet my mum and grandma. So we all clamored onto the van and I realized that it didn't have air-conditioning. So the windows had to be left open. The wind kept whipping my hair and I felt liberated for some reason. It wasn't the hoity-toity convertible that I envisioned would be our ride, but it was fun in a different way.


We went to this monkey temple thingy and thank god I wore jeans cause anyone who was wearing something short (and you do realize all my skirts are short) had to tie this purple sarong thing around themselves and everyone knows, purple is so not my color. Haha. So we walked around and saw the beautiful cliffs. They were breath taking and we took gazillion pictures there.


So anyways as we were innocently looking at the waves crashing against the cliff, mesmerized by the white spray that shot up, this monkey stealthily jumped in front of grandma and pulled her glasses off! It looked at us with this smirk. I swear it winked and it proceeded to chew the glasses. We were begging it to give the glasses back, but it just bared its teeth at us.


So we had to call the temple attendant who threw him a banana. Damn that was one smart monkey. He put down the glasses, caught the banana, picked up the glasses and ran away, all in a split second. So the temple attendant threw him another banana and this time we got the glasses in time. The monkey sort of looked at us strange then ambled away. I was in stitches the entire time. Gosh I haven't laughed that hard in ages. So anyways that wasn't the end of it. We walked up many stairs and got to the entrance of the temple and were posing for a picture under this tree when this baby monkey climbed up it and jumped so it landed on my grandma's shoulder. Then it grabbed her hair scrunchie thingy and ran off. We were in shock, before we all collapsed into peals of laughter. Heehee. It was such a funny sight. So the monkey sat on one of the branches, trying to eat the scrunchie. We decided it would be gross to get it back anyways so we just left it to the scrunchie and went off. Ever since then, my grandma freaked out every time we saw a monkey. And I could't stop laughing for like the next 20 minutes.


The next place we went to was so fucking cool. Dreamland - It is owned by Suharto, the past president, so we had to bribe the security guards to let us into that half completed golf course. We drove all the way to the back and there was this winding stairs, which led to this beautiful sandy beach. The stairs were a dangerous climb though cause they were just cut into the cliff and it was a sheer drop below us.


I was on edge the entire time, so when we finally got to the bottom, I hitched up my jeans and ran unto the beach and then the hugest wave hits me. My jeans were soaked. So while the rest stand at the shack and laughed at me I dredged up to them and then we cam-whored with the beach as a background. There's one funny picture with me pretending to be the monkey who stole Raja's glasses. It was a major laugh. After that we climbed back up those stairs and I realized just how unfit I am cause I was so tired.


Well we piled back onto the van and went to get lunch. Which was so yummy. Gosh I love seafood. And when we calculated how much we spent, it was within $20 for a meal for five people with gods knows how many side dishes and drinks. Funny stuff eh? After lunch we went off to Kuta. Which is now my favorite place in the world. Mum got a manicure done and grandma a massage while I wandered around the beach. While I was wandering around the beach, this north Indian girl from Java came up to me and asked if she could take a picture. I was like sure and then after a while I was surrounded by the entire family. It was quite a laugh. Cause I know really little Hindi and they knew really little English. We took pictures and then Raja appeared and we chatted for a bit before


I took off to go be emo and sit alone at the beach. I was sitting on the sand just gazing at the waves when this gorgeous surfer plops down beside me. He was…for the lack of a better word, completely drool worthy. Eight pack, Blonde spiky hair, bright blue eyes, sexy surfer tan and shirtless. Melt-melt-melt. So we started talking and he asked me if I wanted to go grab a drink, and my mother for the lack of better timing appears and he's at the receiving end of one of her ever so famous death glares. Well at least I'm flattered cause he thinks I look like some Bollywood starlet. Oh wells.


So anyways my mum dragged me away to shop, which in my opinion wasn't that bad a trade off, seeing that I bought a pair of Chanel sunnies, which are so fucking hot! So while I was trying them on, these two surfers came up to talk to me and surprisingly, one of them was from Singapore. So we chatted for a bit. The Indonesian surfer was hot as hell. I’m a sucker for wavy sun bleached hair. Then mother dearest sees me and comes and drags me to safety, while Raja just makes fun of me.


Haha yeah well. Then we walked around and bought more stuff. I finally have a new pair of designer jeans. Versace and they’re so cute! So after that Raja and I wandered into hard rock's store and he bought me this gorgeous hard rock top. We had to leave for the next place cause my mum was getting bored of shopping. Yes I didn't know it could happen, but it did. We drove down to this other temple, the one by the sea. Yeah my grandma and mum have a thing for temples.


Over there I just sat on this huge rock and this woman from china came up to me and asked if she could take a picture. I was wondering why people kept wanting to take my picture, maybe cause they think I'm pretty. It does wonders for the ego really. Well that temple was kind of boring cause all I did was sit on my rock and shop (Haha). After that we took more pictures and headed back to the school. I finally braved a shower, after making raja kill all those flies of course. I'm so proud of myself.


And then I met Leili, Raja's girlfriend and my future aunt in law. She's so sweet! All of us went for dinner and then some of us went to play on the bumper cars. Gods I was terrible at it and I think Leili who was riding with me got kind of dizzy after a while cause we were spinning backwards. But the second time I got a hang of it and went around banging into people.


That was good fun I’ll tell you. After that we went to the super market and bought loads of Balinese coffee and stocked up on bubble gum. Went back to the school and then I learnt to play my first song on the guitar. "Wherever you will go – the calling" Maybe I should pick up the guitar more often cause it isn't as tough as I thought it would be. Well I played for quite a bit then read myself to sleep.






Third Day:


Got woken up real early and dragged to the market with grandma and mum cause they wanted to buy groceries for the school. I hate wet markets. They smell bad, and I reallyreallyreally feel grossed out by all that raw meat. So well I stayed outside while they went around buying stuff. Got countless people staring at me cause I was seemingly overdressed. Yeah well we were going out after that, it wasn't my fault. Then we went back and after that drove down to Tulikup to see Leili's radio station.

She's a deejay. Heart line F.M. How cool is that? So we wandered around that place and got to know her colleagues. One of them asked for my email. It was helluva funny, the way he hit on me. And we took loads and loads and loads of pictures there. After that we went to Leili's rented place and hung out there while Chandra changed the tire for the van. We watched the beginning of the Korean movie that Raja had bought Leili - Marrying the Mafia. It was so damn funny. I have to borrow it and watch it myself.

So after that we drove down to this restaurant and ate lunch there. The food was so yummy. Gosh. Then dropped Leili off at the radio station and drove to this other beach. Walked along the beach for a while and then waited for mum and grandma to get their shopping done. Gods everyone kept dragging us into their stores, and I felt too terrible to ignore them. Pulled at my heartstrings they did. So anyways after my insistence, we went back to Kuta (Yay!)

The beach really is lovely, and it really has nothing to do with the fact that its hot guys galore there. My uncle called my bluff and we went to the more deserted part of Kuta, not the hard rock café part. Ohwells. Then we went shopping again and bought stuff for friends. All those pretty things are so expensive. Sigh. And it wasn't two hundred Singaporean dollars my mum was giving me to spend on my friends, it was 200 000 rupees. So I bought like five necklaces. And I feel terrible cause I couldn't get everyone something. Too bad, only my closest girlies get something.

And I didn't get anything for the guys cause I couldn't find anything nice. Bought my dad a cute Batik shirt and some earrings for my cousins but that's about it. Then as were walking along, I saw the most gorgeous bag ever at this Chanel store. It was calling my name, pleading with me to buy it. It was so beautiful and cute and everything a bag could ever be. Gods. I begged my mum to get it for me, you know the whole pouty – puppy dog eyed thing that works on guys? Well it doesn't work on my mum. But in the end she got it. What can I say, I'm spoilt. Heehee.

Actually no not really, its only cause my mother liked it as much as I did. So then we headed back to the school and I braved yet another shower. What can I say? The need to be clean overpowered my stupid fear of insects. After that we headed to this restaurant which had dishes mainly focused on tofu. And since tofu makes me sick, I had chicken steak which was so goddamned yummy! Haha. Yeah I think I ate loads during the holiday. We bought chocolates for Puttu and then when we went back, I gave them to him and he was so happy. It warmed my heart.

I mean these people, they survive with the bare necessities and they’re way happier than I am. So then all of us played uno stacko and I learned the chorus bit for "Wherever you will go". Kept practicing the chords all night. Its my first time playing the guitar yeah so don't laugh. Managed to get it down in about an hour and then I read this really nice funny book before falling asleep.






Fourth day:


Well it was my last day, so mum and grandma bought breakfast of donuts and cakes to the school and everyone was digging in. I felt like I was leaving something behind cause I knew that once I returned to Singapore, I wouldn't ever just be happy with the simplicity of it all. There would always be someone to impress, something to do, and there would be no time for myself and to do what I wanted. Yeah well. That's life huh?


So anways, I wolfed down a donut and then we went to this art and craft market and my mum went crazy buying so many crafts. I hung around outside taking in everything then my uncle was telling me about how some of the crafts had spirits in them. Freaky huh? Good thing I have none in my room. So then we drove back to the school and I packed up everything. Had to sit on my bag to close it cause I bought so many things. So anyways after I packed, I basically hung out with everyone and played the guitar for a bit more.


Then Leili’s brother drove down and gave us the gifts she bought for us. She is so sweet you know. Gosh. Oh and have I mentioned? He is really cute. Like really. Too bad she's my uncle's girlfriend huh? Ohwells. Guess I'll see him at the wedding. Heehee. She got me this gorgeous bag and two necklaces. How sweet!


Then we piled back into the van for one last time and went to pick up mum and grandma from the hotel. So we checked into the airport and sat around for ages cause we were so early. Grabbed a burger at this restaurant and I saw this super cute guy. Gosh he was so cute in that, smart kind of way. And I knew he was a surfer cause he was carrying a surfboard. I kept seeing him around when we wandered around the airport. Oh and we bumped into like two of my mum's friends both from her time in NIE.


When we finally boarded the plane, I was sitting there minding my own business and then he walked into the plane. He smiled at me and whispered hi. Then my mother glares at him. Hahah. He was sitting two seats away, but I was so tired I didn't have the energy to go over and talk to him. Knocked out on the flight and then woke up just to eat, remember my strange love for plane food? Yeah I love love love it! After eating, read for a bit and then we were back in Singapore. Bought duty free alcohol for daddy dearest and then took a cab, dropped grandma off and got back home. Unpacked. Back to life as i know it i guess.

Sex muffins, Tramps in the make. Yeah well. We're hot. You're not.

And sexy boy Luc makes an appearance. I look so wasted though.